do I have a purpose on this earth????

  Looking on how merciful God is over my life and with some kind of power always wanting me dead I wonder why I am I still here? what is my purpose? I am sure I have one other then just living an average life right? what is it and how do I find it? and am I even supposed to be looking? why am I here? I ask that to my self all the time, i also ask God but still not sure. and yes I read the Purpose Drive Life Book but I still dont know. maybe I should just continue living as the wife, mother and what ever else I do.

  Most of my near death experience were between 5-9 years of age. One day my parents and a lot of the youth from church were playing ball in the front of our house and the kids were just running around  and having a great spring day. I noticed my shoe laces were untied so I bent down to tie them while our German Sheppard dog that was tied with the chain grabbed me on the back of my neck and just started trowing  me face down on our graved yard. Everyone there tried to hit him and tried to have him let go of me but he just kept dragging my face down. By the time he was done with me I was bleeding from my neck with 8 punctured teeth holes because he drooped me and picked me up again and my face was all raw meet and of course I end up in ER again.
  The reason the dog was crazy like that was because when he was a pup my parents gave him to a large family and the kept him in a big cage and the kids abused him a lot with stick and threw rocks so he hated kids and a year later they gave him back to my parents. If you are wondering what happened to him, well mom told dad to kill him but one of his friends talked dad in to keeping him. One day the dog attacked and hurt his son so wanted to kill him but someone else took him and he attacked that familys son to where he tore half his face off. So finally they shot the dog, I guess once a dog attacks a human it most likely will repeat it. The German Shepard are very good dogs in general and are good with kids but unfortunately that pup had it in for kids.
As for the last victim he is 28yrs old now and lives in Seattle and his face is very very scared.      

 I just remember another incident at was about 1987 or 1986 I went to the city with my aunt it was very cold and icy that day in Estonia I believe  I was about 6. Somehow I slipped and fell right on a main street and the city bus ran over me but i was right in the middle underneath it so I was not hurt other then the bump on my head. 

   Less then a year from the accident my family decided to migrate to America. We went to Italy while waiting for sponsors in the states. It was June 1988 so we went to the beach daily and enjoyed life. One day when we were at the beach mom was napping on the beach and dad was jumping on the waves, I was in one of those donuts looking tubes trying to learn to swim I was 8 but still didnt know how to swim. Some how the waves started to take me deep and I tried to swim back but the waves kept taking me further and further from the land next thing I know I cant even see the land and the waves are so high and I swallowed so much water and passed out I saw a light kind of of like in a tunnel. I was sure I was dead, it got warm and fussy and the light just drew me to it but then out of nowhere a mans arm grabs me and pulls me into some kind of rubber feeling boat. I never saw a face or recall any other memory that day other then waking up on the sand at sunset. To this day I am not sure if it was humans or an angel that brought me back to land.  And again it brings me back to the question why I am still here? and why was I brought from the dead so many times?
 Sometimes I think that its because of me, my mom has diabetes and all her health problems, I guess I was a problem child from before I was born lol, (since I was an accident to begin with)  but I am still here.
 

when life gives you lemons make lemonade

   When we lived in Estonia I started school, we lived on the out skirts of town and there was no school buses so we took public transportation o get to school.  
    When I was in first grade I remember going to a field trip to a park with my school. I was very excited that day and when I was walking from the bus stop which was about a mile or so from our house.  Half way home I saw mom, grandpa and my aunt running across the street to catch the next bus. The next thing I remember I was in some car it smelled new and my grandpa was holding me in his arms and I told him I want to sit up. The next moment I remember someone was taking me somewhere on a hospital bed with wheels and I tried to get up and threw up allover my self. And when I finally came to, days past by and I remember lots of relatives in and out my ICU room and they were all shocked and crying but I had no clue why.
    Few more days maybe weeks past when I learned that I was hit by a semi truck on that highway near our house and in front of my family. it was going about 60 kilometers per hour  when I ran right in to it. My uncle always tried to make a joke out of it always asking me why I wanted to kiss a semi truck while it was moving so fast. but the truth is it hit me so hard I flew like a ball away from it and into a ditch below the highway. Everyone told my parents I would not live and if there is a chance for survival I would be crippled for life. Mom prayed to God saying Lord please heal her completely if not just take her then I don't want her to live a life of a cripple.
   When someone finally let me look in the mirror I realized why everyone was crying, its because i was hideous lol. My head was very huge and swollen my eyes were almost swollen shut and i was missing teeth and all blue, purple and red. I think I shed a tear too cause I was so ugly.   
    When they transferred my from the ICU I shared a room with 8 ladies and they told my parents to hurry up and take me out of there because I made them laugh so much and it hurt them to laugh they were all recovering from something too.  I don't remember too much of what I told them but I preached a lot and I also kept telling them that I am going to make money from this. I guess I bought some kind of insurance at school for ten rubles just days before this happened and my parents would get a hundred rubles now. The ladies kept telling mom that I was a crazy little girl because I looked at every situation and everyday only at the positive.

And I guess that was my second chance at life

I think I will start at the very beggining......

       I often think why am I here? sometimes it feels like I brought so much stress and worries to my parents and close family. Some people don't get any chances in life but I was dead so many times but yet I am still here.
 
      In 1975 my mom gave birth to my sister in Ukraine and said she will never have kids again with the suffer she went through so she got and IUD birth control in Feb 1979 she learned the she was pregnant again and I came in Sept 1979. They used to sing a song "unwanted but so loved" and I really was a loved child. Mom came from a family of 12 kids and she was the oldest and loved kids so she had 6 total. 2 in Ukraine 2 in Estonia and 2 in America.
        Mom got pregnant with my brother Gene shortly after I came and had a very hard pregnancy so she send me to her moms for a few weeks till she was feeling better. One day when I was 9 months my grandma put me in a bathtub my uncle stopped in and needed help finding some documents. She went to help him because a taxi was waiting on him and told my aunt who was 17 at that time to look over me but she though I was sleeping. almost 15min later my grandma came in to find me floating face down.
They called one hospital they came and said that they didnt take dead people so my grandma called the second hospital they came and said the same thing then they called a special drowning unit that came and took me and said well if she will live then she will be brain dead.  During the time when ambulances came and went my uncle was doing CPR non stop that he just learned in the army. I think thats why I am still here.

  So this was my first life adventure.